This resonated with me very, very strongly. I think what’s important to take away from the relationship, for me, is that we never failed. We had almost five years together in which we grew and learned and loved in the most pure and honest way. I’ll always have that to treasure. We are working towards being friends and have been talking more lately and I’m just thankful to still have him in my life, even if the nicknames are gone and the bed is wide and empty. We’ll always know what we had and the only way to move from here is on and on and on.
Pitchfork was fucking amazing. These photos don’t really do it justice at all. It was in a beautiful park in the middle of the city and there were so many ridiculous things happening. There was a stage dedicated to giving people free haircuts. There was a missed connections area, where typewriters were set up for people to write notes. There was a record fair and arts and crafts and so many vegan food options. I didn’t see a single headdress all weekend, and the dickhead factor was extremely low. I chatted with so many random people and everyone was lovely. I saw so many great performances - Beck, Sun Kil Moon, Neutral Milk Hotel, Kendrick Lamar, Real Estate (twice in two days!), motherfucking SLOWDIVE, to name a few - and just had the most blissful time. My feet are absolutely dead but it was so worthwhile. I’ll definitely look at coming back sometime for another round. Perfect festival, perfect weekend.
There’s a missed connections section at Pitchfork. I left a message for a babe who was standing behind me at Beck last night. I was too shy to talk to him then, I don’t expect to hear back from him at all but who knows.
God I love Beck so much. His music soundtracked the furthest depth of my depression last year and eased me into and out of my breakup this year. It has comforted and challenged me almost daily, and to see it come to life in front of me tonight meant more than I can even try to explain.
I am standing in a record store in Chicago and I was thinking about the last two boys I kissed and I was feeling a bit strange and empty because I’m used to permanence, not these fleeting intimate moments that become memories days after they happen, and then the store owner put on Simon and Garfunkel as though he knew it was exactly what I needed and my mood instantly lifted. It is so nice to have this music with me wherever I go. From childhood until now and beyond.
For those playing along at home
Project Pash An Asian 2014 has been completed.
I continue my tinder escapades over in NYC and this is the kinda shit I’m dealing with and it’s just too much but also hilarious. K
New York so far, featuring cute houses, meeting internet friends, seeing Hov and B dominate an 80,000 capacity stadium, delicious eats and general fun adventure times. I’m determined to live here one day, even if it’s just for a year or two, and am taking applications for sham US citizen husbands.
I’m in New York. It’s 7:15am and I’ve barely slept. When I arrived yesterday afternoon, I caught a cab and got in the wrong door and everyone laughed and the driver made me direct him to my destination, even though I haven’t been in this city in almost a decade. I’m staying in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn with my family friend and her boyfriend. The cold water doesn’t work and as soon as I came in they told me they’re having a baby. The neighbourhood is strange and feels dangerous but exciting. We went to the Brooklyn Night Bazaar and I marveled at how good looking everyone was. I looked at Tinder to weigh up the local talent and I concluded it’s better here than in Melbourne. Neither of the boys wished me a good trip but the most recent one sent me a job listing, which was the first thing I saw upon landing in LAX for my connecting flight. It’s stupid that I even care when I’m on the other side of the world, but hopefully by the end of this trip I won’t anymore. I’m going to try to sleep for the next hour before going out to explore Williamsburg today and then seeing Jay Z and Beyonce play in New Jersey tonight.
Well, I’m hopping on a flight to New York City tomorrow morning and honestly I couldn’t be more ready to get out of Melbourne. I booked this trip on a whim a few months ago, when I impulsively bought a ticket to Pitchfork Festival. I paid for it using my then-boyfriend’s credit card because mine wouldn’t work and I remember thinking even then, with pangs of guilt, that I knew the relationship was going to end soon, but I was lying to myself, constantly. I had just quit a job I hated and I wanted to feel free, so I booked my first ever solo trip mindlessly because it felt like a good idea at the time. I didn’t know then, of course, how much I would need the trip now.
It’s four months later and the relationship is over. Yesterday marked two months since the breakup and the last time we saw each other. I’m still dealing with it, really - especially after my first ever short-term “fling”, I’ve finally been hit with the intensity of the knowledge that I’m alone, for the first time in a long, long time. I’m once again in a job I don’t enjoy, and Melbourne feels smaller and smaller by the day, and maybe leaving the country for a couple of weeks is just me escaping from the reality of my problems, but it could not have come at a better time for me.
I’ve had issues my whole life with the idea of solitude. I go stir crazy when I’m alone for too long - even if it’s a quiet night at home, I always have a text conversation going or a Facebook chat with someone open. Since moving out of home and interstate, it’s gotten a little better and I can go to breakfast by myself or go for a wander, but I’m still not where I’d like to be. Landing in cities where I don’t know many people is going to be a different beast for me, having to navigate streets I’m unfamiliar with, speaking with an accent that’s broader and distinguishable from others. Sleeping in beds amongst strangers, lugging my suitcase up flights of stairs. Sitting in parks and at restaurants alone, asking passers by for directions. It’s daunting and it’s exciting and I’m so glad I made that rash decision all those months ago because I can feel that this is going to be such a good, cleansing experience for me, and I’ll get back to Melbourne feeling refreshed and less boxed in.